I did it my way, and it was the right way.
I thought I had finally gone proper mental when I said I would write a book. It was a huge gamble and given my fragile state the last thing I needed was to do something, and it not be received positively. But I now know it was the right thing to do. I felt like a right lemon every time I tried to promote it, but I knew I had to because a paper book author would have an agent, and websites, and maybe if they were lucky, a TV appearance.
I had Twitter.
But it was enough to reach an unbelieveable target. I had a couple of important targets, the first being I simply had to release it before the end of 2011, to draw a line under the previous 12 months. I could have bided my time and found an agent, but it was never about success, it was about sharing a story and closure. Plus I am rubbish at waiting to do stuff. The other target was to raise some money for MIND, the mental health charity who provided my therapy. I thought I may, at a push sell 50. When I overtook that I was amazed. What idiot releases a book just before christmas and expects people to part with their money when the country is in the middle of the biggest depression we have seen in decades? Me. Who was kind enough to put that fact aside and buy it anyway? a huge 150 of you.
I downloaded it myself to see what it looked like, and I was fucking appalled to notice over 5 editorial errors. Yet none of you mentioned this in your lovely reviews, but I was so annoyed, especially as I spent weeks editing and re-writing it. It’s quite an awkward process to remove it from sale once it’s up there and selling so I chose to leave it as it was, but believe me, I punished myself.
I would like to specifically thank the huge number of men who have bought it. I’m not sure as many would if it had been on a shelf in a shop, but purchasing it this way meant it was available for anybody, and it is an important subject for any sex to be more aware of. My mum has even downloaded it, but she can’t bring herself to read it yet. Things are still a bit raw, but she is extremely proud of me, and that is the main thing.
So that’s it really. I want to close things off, send a cheque to MIND (once Amazon weigh me in) and say goodbye to it all. I hope those that paid for it up until now will understand when I explain that I’m going to take the price off it at some point in the future. It isn’t going to attract much more interest now, so by leaving it out there means the story will still be read by those choosing to, especially those who need to read it. I know there are some who simply cannot afford it, but have been through tough times themselves and are really keen to download a copy.
I am sure MIND will be chuffed with the contribution they will receive, and I have made enough to have a nice meal out with the family. That is enough for me. Family means everything, especially now we are watching my last surviving grandparent slowly be taken from us.
So from me to you, thankyou for giving me a platform, thankyou for indulging me, thankyou for tolerating my unpredictable mood swings, thankyou for being good, nice, genuinely caring people. Now lets shake a stick at 2012!